Heartbreak

It was brought to my attention after my last post that someone was missing from the discussion of our lives.  My daughter.  I have a beautiful, smart, and amazing 14 year old daughter who made the choice to live with her father full time about 7 weeks ago.  I am still struggling to understand completely why she made this choice.  The reasons she gave me at first were just not the truth.  Now the new reason just doesn’t make sense.  So she’s fourteen and she’s hormonal.  I’m trying to leave it at that.  What kids don’t realize, is the pain they can cause a parent; how easily they can break a heart.  I have never, in my whole life, experienced pain in the way I have over the past 7 weeks.  I don’t sleep much anymore.  I’m sad all the time.  I cry randomly and at the most inopportune times.  It sucks.  But it’s life right now.  I need to focus on the boys and make sure they are cared for the way they deserve.  As for my baby girl, all I can do is pray to God that he’s got her.

I haven’t been in her room since the day she left.  I just cannot bring myself to go there.  But my husband, he’s strong.  He has gone in her room numerous times.  Last night, he found a letter she started to write but didn’t finish.  It says, “Dear Mom, I’m sorry.  I did wanna stay.  You guys cut the house phone line so I didn’t know what else to do”.  The phone line… that was a misunderstanding; a feline induced incident that no one was aware of until it was too late.  But the second line says it all.  “I did wanna stay”.  So why did she go?  That is my struggle every single day.  So, I hope this answers the questions some of you had.  She is still very much in our hearts and in our minds.  If she chooses to be a part of our journey, we will share that with you along the way.  Until then, it’s me and the boys.

Until Next Time

~Connie

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