The Sock Monster

Socks.  That is what I dedicated my morning to…socks.  As you know, I have three kids and a husband.  You may live this or you can simply imagine how much laundry a family of five manifests.  I am certain it multiplies every day.  My daughter doesn’t even live here and I find her clothing in the laundry, every week.  How?  I dunno.  But I digress.  So I’m looking for baskets.  We have five nice, plastic, sturdy laundry baskets.  It dawns on me that for the past nine months, I have been going to the dollar store, about every three weeks, buying the cheap mesh laundry baskets that obviously cannot stand up to our laundry needs. Pure laziness I suppose.  Or, perhaps I have embarked on this task before. Either way, I, in my blissful ignorance this morning, decide today is the day to stop the madness and save $10 every three weeks.  So this is it, right!?  I am on a mission.

First basket…full of every single piece of mail acquired over the past year.  Nope; not going there today.  Second basket…in my daughters room full of God only knows what and I am NOT about to find out today.  Third basket…socks.  Fourth basket…socks.  Fifth basket…socks. SOCKS!  Now, remember, I figured out that I have been buying the mesh baskets for about nine months now.  That is NINE months worth of paperwork; NINE months worth of I don’t even know what; and finally, NINE MONTHS OF SOCKS! Holy cow, how did this get so out of hand?

So I’m doing mental inventory.  Has anyone been complaining about not having socks?  I know I haven’t been but then again, it’s summer so of course I haven’t been complaining but the boys must be and maybe I just tuned it out.  But fall is coming fast so I must get this under control – today! Enter the sock monster.

I begin sorting of the socks at approximately 9:15am.  Being the intelligent woman that I am, I come up with a most genius plan of action.  It should take me approximately one hour and then I can move on to something else. First, I will sort the colored socks.  20 minutes later, my daughter and myself have many wonderful, colorful pairs of socks.  Success.  Then I move on to black.  This will be so easy I’m sure…I am cooking right along.  45 minutes later my back hurts and good grief my husband has a lot of socks.  But my oldest…why are there only one of each pair of socks in this pile?  The pile, by the way, takes up the entirety of our King size bed.  I am baffled…where could they possibly be?  Hell, they clearly have not been missed in nine months; some of them are brand new! Of course, as any good investigative mom would know, most of them were in his sock drawer.  Some, however, were simply MIA.  After searching under things and in things and honestly putting way too much effort in to this, I give up on black.  It’s 11:15am.

As I change the playlist on my phone, I turn and look at the bed.  Really? I have literally accomplished nothing.  My first thought is to go to the store and buy everyone new socks.  But then the “gotta save money” side of my brain says, “No, you can do this”.  By 12:15pm my oldest son has over 50 pairs of socks.  My husband, about the same.  My youngest, about 35 pairs.  My daughter and I, probably 20 pair each.  The bed… still full of damn socks. Hundreds of orphaned pairs of socks.  I’m sitting there, on the bed, bitching to myself about the sock monster.  Yet, I’ve become so dedicated to this project that I cannot bring myself to stop attempting to find the mates.  It’s late; my body hurts; I’m hungry; I need to leave in 20 minutes; I have wasted my whole damn morning on socks.

Another genius plan enters my mind.  I will put them all back in one of the baskets because surely, the mates will show up.  This frees up two full baskets and therefore, SUCCESS!  The sock monster did not win today! Well…maybe…

Until Next Time,




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