Over the past ten years, I have made several attempts at maintaining a blog. Each time, I gave up due to haters causing grief and discontent because the content of my posts upset them in some way as they believed the posts were about them, though they certainly were not. So here we are, not even 24 hours in to this and I am already seeing the affects of the haters. As I look back now, I realize that I had previously let them win every time. I am not the same person I was ten years ago or even ten days ago. Now is the time for me to live my life. To pursue my dreams. Despite what people think or imagine my posts are about, I will continue to write. If you are offended or upset by anything I post it’s very simple; don’t read my blog. The purpose of this is for you to sit back, enjoy, laugh, cry, and relate. My life. My story. My voice. Haters will not shut me down this time.
Until Next Time
It was brought to my attention after my last post that someone was missing from the discussion of our lives. My daughter. I have a beautiful, smart, and amazing 14 year old daughter who made the choice to live with her father full time about 7 weeks ago. I am still struggling to understand completely why she made this choice. The reasons she gave me at first were just not the truth. Now the new reason just doesn’t make sense. So she’s fourteen and she’s hormonal. I’m trying to leave it at that. What kids don’t realize, is the pain they can cause a parent; how easily they can break a heart. I have never, in my whole life, experienced pain in the way I have over the past 7 weeks. I don’t sleep much anymore. I’m sad all the time. I cry randomly and at the most inopportune times. It sucks. But it’s life right now. I need to focus on the boys and make sure they are cared for the way they deserve. As for my baby girl, all I can do is pray to God that he’s got her.
I haven’t been in her room since the day she left. I just cannot bring myself to go there. But my husband, he’s strong. He has gone in her room numerous times. Last night, he found a letter she started to write but didn’t finish. It says, “Dear Mom, I’m sorry. I did wanna stay. You guys cut the house phone line so I didn’t know what else to do”. The phone line… that was a misunderstanding; a feline induced incident that no one was aware of until it was too late. But the second line says it all. “I did wanna stay”. So why did she go? That is my struggle every single day. So, I hope this answers the questions some of you had. She is still very much in our hearts and in our minds. If she chooses to be a part of our journey, we will share that with you along the way. Until then, it’s me and the boys.
Until Next Time
Our family is about to embark on a new journey. Both my boys are living with us full time now so we decided it would be best for me to quit my job and stay home. The oldest is in his last year of high school and the youngest is at the end of his elementary school career. Critical years for both boys. The goal is to help everyone in the house heal open wounds, adjust to our new life style (free of back and forth), and learn to enjoy life with humor and gratitude. I hope to portray our stories with grace and humor. As we move forward in this uncharted territory, I will be spending time working on the novels I have been putting off for so many years. While we are all excited for this new road, it will take courage to see it through. We are also excited to share it with you. We hope you enjoy our stories and please feel free to comment and share!